


I Was Born To Love you, You Were Born To Heal Me

by Nigaki



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Arthur Morgan Has Low Self-Esteem, Arthur being awkward with slightly less awkward John, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mention of sex, Mutual Pining, Pre-Canon, Spoilers, Valentine's Day, but they love each other - Freeform, nothing graphic, they're both dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:54:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29410098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nigaki/pseuds/Nigaki
Summary: It was a silly idea to begin with. Arthur wondered what he was thinking when he thought it was a good plan. But the moment it appeared in his head, he was already drawing the silly Valentine card that wasn’t even that good.
Relationships: John Marston/Arthur Morgan, Sadie Adler/Abigail Roberts (mentioned)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	I Was Born To Love you, You Were Born To Heal Me

**Author's Note:**

> For the sake of the story, Sadie is already in the gang.
> 
> The title comes from a song A Long And Happy Life by Delta Rae. It fits Morston so well i always think of them when I listen to it.

“Morgan, you’re such a fool,” Arthur muttered to himself on an early morning when most of the camp was still asleep and no one was around to hear how pathetic he was being. He was sitting on a log, fumbling with a card that he feared might soon get completely crumpled. But he couldn’t help himself, he was nervous and he felt the need to throw the card into the fire in front of him.

It was a silly idea to begin with. Arthur wondered what he was thinking when he thought it was a good plan. But the moment it appeared in his head, he was already drawing the silly Valentine card that wasn’t even that good. He'd seen better ones on displays in shops, mass produced in printing houses. Hell, there were many more better done by hands out there, at least showing someone put some effort into them than simply drawing dumb doodles.

Arthur wasn’t bad at drawing but this thing could’ve been better. He was so giddy drawing this card his hands were shaking the entire time, though and it ended crooked a little. Giving it was going to be embarrassing, especially to someone with a sharp tongue like Marston.

Gulping, Arthur turned around to look at the younger man’s tent. It was closed, as always and he couldn’t see inside but he could hear John’s quiet snores as he slept. Arthur couldn’t sleep all night, too terrified of the morning. He tried to fix his card at first, making the drawing look more realistic and like it wasn’t drawn by little Jack. But he feared he would only make it worse than it already was so he left it as it was.

He didn’t even put any colors on this. Shit, it was so horrible he wanted to crumple it in his hands and forgot he even thought about giving this piece of crap to John.

But he couldn’t find in himself the strength to do this. He wanted to give it, no matter a reaction. Even if he would have to stay in his tent for a week or leave for that long to avoid John’s mocking glances whenever they would see each other.

Arthur remembered giving better cards than this to Mary. She was always so happy to receive them during those three years they were together. That’s why it didn’t hurt(that much) when she admitted she was hiding them from her daddy. But that was okay, he was glad to see the smile on her face whenever he gave her one before taking her for a walk.

Eliza was happy too. They weren’t really together but it felt right to give her a card each year before she… 

Seeing a warm smile on her tired face was everything to Arthur, who was always sending her to bed right after he would arrive so she could rest while he would take care of Isaac.

Unlike Mary, Eliza was proudly displaying his cards on the dresser. And Arthur caught her one day how she was telling Isaac what a talented and sweet daddy he had and that he would surely be the same once he grew up.

Arthur’s throat tightened and tears gathered in his eyes he quickly wiped. It wasn’t the best time to cry, people were going to be up soon, he didn’t want them to see him like this. Only three people knew and saw him crying over his dead son and he didn’t want to change that.

He wondered what John was going to do with the card if he was going to accept it. He wouldn’t just throw it away, that’s for sure, at least not while Arthur was looking. But he would no doubt hide it somewhere deep in his belongings and forget about it.

Arthur sighed and placed the card on the ground between his feet to grab at his hair, tugging at it slightly to feel something else than despair for a moment.

Why was it so hard? Why couldn't he have someone to give a valentine card to without feeling like throwing up?

What was he even hoping to achieve with this? John had a woman and a child. True, he and Abigail weren’t on the best of terms, they were barely talking and the younger man wanted nothing to do with his boy but that didn’t mean Arthur should swipe in and steal him from Abigail and Jack. Who was to tell John wouldn’t grow up and change his mind later, realizing he wanted to be a daddy and a good husband after all?

He probably wasn’t even a sodomite. And even if he was, he didn’t think of Arthur like that. Why would he when he could have anyone but Arthur that couldn’t even keep his family safe or make his fiancé stay? Arthur wouldn’t choose himself either. 

Everyone was always leaving him. There was clearly something wrong with him. He always knew that but now, slowly but steadily approaching his forties, it was even more prominent.

And painful.

He just… wanted someone. No, not someone. He wanted John. He wanted to stop being alone, he was tired of loneliness. He wanted a babe of his own, to be a father again and raise Jack together with the boy’s real father. To have a home he could share with John.

Was he asking for too much? Was he greedy? He had both with other people once and he tossed it away for Dutch.

Mary, Eliza. Even John left once and it hurt even worse than Mary breaking up their engagement. Not only because the two of them were close as can be at the time but also because John just carelessly left his own son then as well, something Arthur couldn’t stand after losing his own boy.

They were better now after John’s return. Still slightly awkward around each other and some nights Arthur was waking up in the middle of it with a frantic need to check on John, if he was still in the camp or took off again.

But it was better. But was it good enough to give John a Valentine card and put his heart on the line? Would John try to not hurt Arthur? Or maybe he would just straight up laugh?

No, he wouldn’t do that. John knew about every one of his losses, he’d been there to pick up the pieces after every single one of them, even as a kid. You could say many things about John Marston but he wasn’t cruel, especially to people he loved.

Arthur just hoped John loved him like he loved the other man.

“Morning, Arthur.”

He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard John’s sleepy voice just behind him. The younger man walked around him, patting him on the arm on his way to the coffee pot. His touch felt like a fire even through the material of Arthur’s shirt.

“Morning,” he responded gruffly to hide how startled he was. He quickly grabbed the card and hid it the best way he could in his hands while John poured himself a cup of coffee Arthur brewed earlier for everyone while doing one for himself.

The younger man didn’t seem to notice his strange behavior, he probably walked here with his eyes still closed. 

"Coffee?“ the younger man offered. 

Arthur shook his head and smiled. "Had one already, thank you."

John returned his smile and with a cup full to the point of overflowing, he got back to his full height and yawned. His jaw popped at the end and he winced with a small groan, making Arthur smile fondly at him.

He admired John while the man still wasn’t awake enough to notice he was being stared at. He looked sweet while sleepily sipping his coffee, dressed only in his worn out red union suit. From time to time he was scratching himself – on the chin, hip, chest. Even something small like that was making Arthur’s heart go crazy with affection, especially at the prospect of having it every morning, only in their kitchen, in their own house.

Silly dream but so hard to stop imagining.

John was easy to love. He was dumb sometimes, verging into brilliancy any other time. And he was funny, fierce, loyal and loved hard, even as a kid. When he loved someone, he was willing to do anything for that person. Arthur longed for that kind of love for himself. To be loved strongly and adoringly, to never doubt he wasn't enough. To be someone’s most important person. 

Maybe that's why he fell in love with John in the first place. He finally realized one day that all he wanted, all he needed, was right under his nose. 

It was on a day like this just a couple of months ago, not so long after John returned to the gang. Only it was John who woke up first and was already drinking coffee when Arthur joined. Once John saw him, his face light up and a huge, happy grin spread on his face. "Hi, Arthur!" he chirped, excited, like he wasn't just barely keeping his eyes open. Just Arthur's presence did it. He never had anyone being so happy to see him after just a few hours. 

And just like that Arthur was gone. He didn't know when he started, but John slowly made his ways into his heart through the cracks Mary left in it and refused to leave after. Stubborn sonofabitch. 

Or maybe he never sneaked in. Maybe he was always there, Arthur didn't start loving him suddenly after all, he loved that kid from day one, just differently. But one day John started filing in the cracks just being his loyal, passionate self. It just took some time for Arthur to realize it. To stop being blind and understand his true feelings. 

John yawned again, a small. heartwarming sound escaping his throat, soon replaced by a pleased hum after another sip of the warm coffee. He was more awake now but he still didn’t notice Arthur staring at him from under the brim of his hat.

When John turned his back to him, Arthur’s eyes swept along his entire body, feeling the heat traveling through his own before reaching his cheeks and… lower regions.

He ignored the latter and just enjoyed the sight before him. John was beautiful. He didn't think so but Arthur always had a hard time taking his eyes away from him. Right now, with the union suit clinging tightly to John's body, it was even harder. 

When they were younger, they often shared a bed. They haven't done that in a long time and Arthur wondered how it would feel with those new feelings and with John's body not being so bony anymore, but rather treated with nice muscles in the right places. How it would feel to fall asleep with his arm wrapped around that thin waist or wake up in the strong embrace. How it would feel to have those long legs tangled with his, shriek away from the cold feet or brush his own against John's shin, feel the hair there. Or even better, how it would feel to have those legs wrapped around him as their bodies would rock gently with Arthur's lazy trust when they would make love in the morning. To feel those strong thighs, hardened by years of horse riding, shaking under his palms as John would bounce in his lap enthusiastically. 

How it would feel to be held tightly as John would enter him again and again, making sweet love to him. To feel this muscular chest against his back while John would fuck him from behind in earnest, panting and moaning into his ear. 

Arthur shook his head like a wet dog. Focus, he scolded himself, doing just that. He stopped staring through John and settled his eyes on the younger man, noticing him staring. No, not staring. He looked far away with his thoughts, his eyes trained on Arthur but not really looking. 

Probably thinking about running off again, Arthur thought bitterly, his heart aching at the prospect of losing John again. 

He could see the moment John became aware of what he was doing and for a short second, a panic flashed in his eyes before it was replaced by neutrality. 

Arthur narrowed his eyes at him. "What?" he asked. 

John cleared his throat, his cheeks slightly pink. "Nothing," he replied and after taking one last sip of his coffee, he stretched, sticking his hip to the side as he did so. Arthur couldn't help but follow it with his eyes. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought it was deliberate. 

"Better feed them horses," John decided with a pleasant sigh that made Arthur's heart flutter. "See you later, Arthur." 

Now or never, Arthur decided. It was a silly idea to give John a card when the other man was in his underwear but Arthur would not get a better chance later, with everyone awake and watching him humiliate himself. He would rather do this now, when it was only him and John.

Besides, John looked adorable in his union suit. 

“Marston, wait,” he said when the younger man was passing him.

John stopped and turned to face him questioningly, especially when he noticed the card in Arthur’s hand after he stood up. 

He grabbed it a bit tighter as he stepped closer to the younger man. He never was this scared even when facing multiple enemies that were shooting at him. That was a breeze compared to facing John Marston and making a fool of himself in front of him.

Without a word, Arthur outstretched his hand with the Valentine card and waited for John to take it, not even looking at him to observe his reaction. He didn’t want to see the moment John’s eyes would fill with amusement.

But John didn’t take the card and after a while, Arthur dared to take a look at him. The younger man was staring at the card like it was a dead rat in Arthur’s hand. Oh god, it was even worse than mockery!

Arthur was going to take the card back and try to walk away with some fake dignity to spare himself awful laughter, but then John opened his mouth. 

"Abigail can't call me a piece of shit in my face, she writes letters now?" he asked, still staring at the card suspiciously.

Arthur dropped his hand, feeling a bit relieved that it wasn’t his gift that caused John to react like that. But it could still happen so he didn’t want to celebrate too early. Besides, an anger stirred deep inside his belly at the reminder of John’s behavior towards his family. 

"You are a piece of shit for how you're acting." John sighed but didn't deny and watched Arthur, curious. 

Arthur wished he could look away because this gaze was making him anxious, but he couldn’t. John's warm brown eyes were drawing him in like a flame does to the moth. And just like a moth, Arthur was foolish enough to get close to burn. It didn’t seem to be such a bad fate though, burning in John Marston’s passionate flame. 

Arthur licked his dry lips nervously. "It's not from Abigail, she can’t write, you moron,” he explained, perhaps a bit snappy but it was just stress talking. He hoped John wouldn't think he asked him to wait just to insult him. Thankfully, the younger man only rolled his eyes, used to this after years of their mutual bickering. “It's from me,” Arthur added quietly, feeling his face burning already. 

"Oh?” John’s gaze fell on the card again. He was even more interested now than before. “What is it?"

Arthur practically shoved the card at his chest. It started to burn his fingers. "Here,” he gruffed, looking away. “It's a Valentine card.” Did he say that? He couldn’t be sure because his heartbeat was so loud. “Thought it would be nice to give it to you.”

‘Nice’, good one Morgan, he thought with a grimace. He was making a bigger fool out of himself than he thought he would. This was so embarrassing and stressful, and he was sure his brain was going to be cooked any second now, that’s how much he was blushing. 

John grabbed the card gently even though it looked like Cooper ate and threw it up already. Well, maybe not that bad, but it still didn’t look as neatly as it should. Arthur felt stupid for giving it to John in a state like that. John deserved a better Valentine card than a piece of crap like that. He should’ve remade it, he had time to go to the store for another piece of thicker paper and maybe he could’ve bought some paint and ribbons to make it prettier. 

‘Had’ was a key word, it was too late now for any changes, because John looked at the card and the drawing on it. It was nothing fancy or overly romantic, Arthur figured out John wouldn’t enjoy the same things he used to draw for Mary and Eliza. So instead of lots of roses, cherubs and other pretty things, he drew something fitting them both better. 

Two horses were resting in the meadow, one a massive draft horse, the other one more lanky but still looking strong, with an overo coat that Arthur was imagining being white and black. They were touching their noses affectionately, surrounded by wildflowers that were also present in their manes and tales. 

Above horses, Arthur wrote a short massage, trying to use his best handwriting to resemble the best cards at least a little bit.

He couldn’t handle it anymore and looked at John, watching his reaction. Bad idea, his stomach tied itself in a knot when he noticed how big John’s eyes were as they swept over the card. Any second now Arthur was going to be laughed at. Or turned down. Or seen as disgusting, that was a possibility too.

Either way he was going to be heartbroken. Again. He had no idea how many times he could take this pain anymore. 

"That’s ah…” Arthur was sure that if not embarrassment, his racing heart was going to kill him while John looked for the right words. “That's awfully sweet of you, Arthur," he eventually settled in for. 

Oh god, he cleared his throat, he hated it and was just being nice. Or it was funny to him, that’s why he suddenly faced away and hid behind the greasy hair of his. God, what Arthur would do to run his fingers through it when it’s nice and clean on rare occasions. It was probably silky smooth when properly cared for. 

“Are you… mocking me?” Arthur asked, already preparing himself for the blow. 

John quickly looked at him, panic and fear in his eyes. “No!” he practically shouted. Arthur looked over his shoulder to see if it woke anyone or caught the attention of Mac on the guard duty. But the camp was still soundly asleep, Uncle and Bill snoring so loud that probably no one could even hear John and Arthur’s conversation right now, even if someone was awake. “Are _you_ mocking me?” he asked back with a small voice, as if he was suddenly a child again. 

It would be so easy to say ‘yes’, act like it was all a joke and pretend later it never happened. But he got so far already and he was a man, goddamnit! He shouldn’t be afraid to express his love for his best friend. 

“No,” Arthur replied instead. And quickly, having a hard time to ignore the hope that rose in his heart like a sun just rising behind his back, illuminating John in a soft, orange glow. God, he looked beautiful. “I just...” 

It was hard to speak with John’s eyes watching him, unreadable. And with so many things he wanted to say. Pouring out his heart was never easy but he wasn’t going to back out now. He would never forgive himself if he did. So he swallowed the lump in his throat and handed his heart to John in addition to the card, hoping that he finally wouldn’t have to take it back bleeding again. 

“I care about you, John,” he confessed, John’s eyes softening right away. It encouraged Arthur to continue. “A lot. You’re my best friend, you’re always there when I need you the most and although you’re very annoying sometimes-” John snorted with a fake offence, making Arthur smile in the process. “- I can’t imagine not having you in my life. That one year when you was gone was horrible.”

“It was,” John agreed in a whisper, dropping his head in shame and looking at the card in his hands. He held it gently, brushing the crumpled edges edges with care in his touch.

Arthur took a deep breath before more words were about to be said. “I’m done ignoring my feelings.” John looked back up at him then, eyes wide and nervous but twinkling, and this time the sun had nothing to do with this. “And you would give me great joy becoming my Valentine this year.”

He finished with a trembling sigh. There, he said it, now he was about to become either the happiest man alive or the most miserable bastard there is. 

Despite the fear, he was looking at John, waiting for his reply and ignoring the need to pull the hat over his eyes to hide. Arthur’s heart couldn’t decide if it wanted to sink in despair at the lack of answer or soar in joy, because if Arthur was to be rejected, John would’ve said something by now, right?

But he didn’t, he was still looking for words, playing with the card in his hold and giving Arthur shy looks that weren’t helping Arthur to keep his hope in check, far from it. 

“That’s…” John started suddenly, rasping as if he just smoked three packs of cigarettes. “I ain’t sure what to say,” he admitted with a nervous chuckle, dropping his gaze to the card again, maybe rereading the massage. When he looked up at Arthur again, his eyes shone with hope. “Maybe after I’m done with horses we could ride together?” he suggested, tucking the hair behind his ear, a lovely blush rising to his cheeks. He never reacted like that before when proposing a ride together. “You know, talk. Spend some time with each other. Just you and me, far from prying eyes?”

Arthur was dizzy as all the blood in his body rushed to his head all at once while his heart tried to rip itself free from his ribcage and jump straight to John, right into his caring hands that he was using to hug the card from Arthur to his chest. 

That has to be a dream, but when Arthur bit himself on the tongue, hard, he didn’t wake up. He was still in front of blushing John who was now the one waiting for the answer. 

Arthur wanted to shout ‘yes’, not caring who would hear or that John would probably laugh at his enthusiasm. John had a cute laugh, Arthur wanted to hear it every day for the rest of his life, even at his own expense. 

The only thing that stopped him from making a lovesick fool of himself - which he was - was the doubt that suddenly planted itself in his chest and curled its vines around his gay heart. 

“What about Abigail?” he asked. 

He shouldn’t have given the card, no matter how much he wanted to do this and how happy John seemed with it. What kind of monster was he for taking a father and a husband from a boy and his mother? 

John was surprised by his question but he quickly smiled in a reassuring way. “I think she won’t miss me when Sadie will make her move today.”

Sadie?

Arthur looked towards the tent where the woman that joined them while John was gone slept, always close to Abigail and Jack, almost protectively. Sadie was a fierce woman who lost her husband to O’Driscolls and Dutch took her in. At first she was in grief, keeping to herself most of the time. Abigail showed her comfort when others left her alone and after some time, the two women did almost everything together, becoming inseparable. Sadie never hesitated to take care of Jack either, adoring him like her own child and he adoring her, calling her his favorite aunt. 

Arthur never noticed anything more growing between them but objectively speaking, he wasn’t the most observant when it comes to feeling. Not so long ago he wasn’t even aware he loved John and noticed only when that love rammed into him like a train at full speed. 

So now he was surprised by the revelation but not as much as he was relieved that he wasn’t breaking up a family. John was free to take, Abigail would have someone to take care of her and Jack in his place if he would never step in as a father Arthur knew he could be. 

“So that means...” He didn’t dare to say it. 

John grinned at him. Arthur felt his legs tremble. “I’ll be your Valentine,” he said excitedly. “If you’ll be mine.” 

Now Arthur was grinning too and it felt so good to do that when he prepared himself all night to be laughed at and rejected. “I would like that,” he admitted, not remembering when was the last time he was this happy. Maybe never. 

“Great,” John breathed out and laughed cheerfully, then pointed at his left. “I’ll get to those horses now. I’ll be quick so we can go.”

“Yeah,” Arthur agreed, already unable to wait so long. He wouldn’t be able to stand even five seconds. 

They smiled at each other again and John left him. Arthur was too stunned to move, still grinning like a fool. 

“Hey, Arthur.” Just as he turned, John grabbed him by the neckerchief around his neck and pulled him closer, his lips placing a soft kiss on Arthur’s cheek that already blushed bright red. Arthur’s lips parted in surprise as his whole chest filled with delight that was threatening to burst it. John moved away slowly, almost reluctantly. Arthur moved his head to look at him and was greeted by a dreamy expression on his face, as well as a shy smile and a bit of pink dusting the younger man’s skin. “Thank you for the card,” he whispered and fled quickly. 

Arthur stared after him, shakingly raising a hand to the place that still lingered with reminiscence of John’s kiss. 

John kissed him. 

John was his Valentine. 

Slowly, a goofy smile formed on Arthur’s face as he stumbled back a couple of steps and plopped down on the log in front of the fire, almost missing it and landing with his ass on the ground. 

He couldn’t believe it. John accepted his card, agreed to be his Valentine and now they were going to spend the whole day together. Maybe Arthur would be lucky to get another kiss. Or give one himself, making John sport that adorable blush and happy grin he had on his face just a moment ago. 

The picture was already engraved in Arthur’s memory forever, he would never be able to forget that morning, that day and he was going to cherish it forever, even if he would eventually end with a broken heart again. 

But he wasn’t going to think about that, especially not now, because for once in his life, Arthur Morgan felt positive and looking forward to the future. He made mistakes before but he was going to do good around John. This time the gang wouldn’t get in the way. He lost too much because of it already. It gave him John, he wasn’t going to allow it to take him away now. 

There were so many emotions swirling in his chest and head he had to let them out and there was no better way to do this than onto the paper. With hands shaking from excitement, he pulled out his journal from the satchel and grabbed the pencil inside, starting sketching right away, the lines already forming into John’s handsome features. 

Occasionally, he would look up from the portrait - already looking like his best work yet - to glance at John working with the horses. Sometimes, he was catching John staring back and they would always smile at each other before going back to their respective works, John in a bigger hurry each time. 

“Good drawing?”

Arthur looked up puzzled and stared at Javier who just came for the coffee. Most of the camp was awake now but he didn’t even notice, his eyes only going for John.

“Huh?” 

Javier nodded at the journal. “You’re smiling a lot, brother.”

“Oh I… I’m just in a good mood,” he explained, controlling his smile a bit around the other man. It wasn’t easy, he never wanted to stop smiling ever again, no matter how much his face was starting to ache. 

“Glad to hear,” Javier replied and walked away, leaving him alone. 

Arthur didn’t follow him with his eyes, before he could even think of it, they landed on John again. The younger man was talking to one of the horses but once he sensed Arthur was staring, he looked back and smiled again. 

Arthur’s heart fluttered and he quickly ducked his head to hide it from whoever could be watching. Couple of minutes later, he added finishing touches to the drawing of John that was smiling at him from the journal, and scribbled a few words on the page beside it. 

_John and I are going riding together. I was never this excited before and I was always excited about our little trips. I probably sound like a fool but I think he might be the one._

Smiling at his work, Arthur concluded the note by writing first letters of his and John’s names and after a short consideration, closing them all in a heart.

He was definitely a fool. But he was a lovesick fool with a rendevouz awaiting him, he couldn’t care less how other people viewed him right now. 

If that was the price to be with John, then he was eager to look like a fool for the rest of his life.


End file.
